My heart always thinks of you as this loving, forgiving, weepy weak god. But that's not reality. You are love, but also fire. This verse brought light to that;
"-6 Woe to you who are rushing headlong to disaster!
Catastrophe is just around the corner!
Woe to those who live in luxury
and expect everyone else to serve them!
Woe to those who live only for today,
indifferent to the fate of others!
Woe to the playboys, the playgirls,
who think life is a party held just for them!
Woe to those addicted to feeling good—life without pain!
those obsessed with looking good—life without wrinkles!
They could not care less
about their country going to ruin."
Your love does truly bring me to my knees, and in a loving relationship with you, love is what I would have to offer you. But I'm not choosing that right now, am I? I'm rather choosing to smoke and desire the wrong things, to completely ignore you. I feel lost, like a bobber floating aimlessly in the sea. I feel lost and alone and sad. But that's not what you've got for me. You have so much more. I want to surrender. But I feel so locked in. And the idea of changing my whole life AGAIN to get back is something I know would be a worthy cause. And maybe I'm making it too much in my head. It doesn't have to look like becoming a complete freak. But I have to learn to find my security in YOU, or I will never be self assured enough to stand up for what I believe to be truth.
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